I Need A Boyfriend
by J. Maria
Summary: Dawn uses a word she knows she shouldn't use, and finds herself hopping dimensions to find Mr. Right. ffa pairings
1. I Need A Boyfriend

Title: I Need a Boyfriend  
author: Jmaria  
rating: PG-13  
Disclaimers: I do not own them, I only play with them.   
Summary: Dawn uses a word she knows she shouldn't use, and finds herself hopping dimensions to find Mr. Right.  
A/N: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

**__**

I Need a Boyfriend

Dawn Summers should have known better, but she was a frustrated teenager with issues. Actually, that excuse was going to get old soon. But this was the third weekend in a row she'd been stuck at the Watcher's Council, and she was going stir crazy. As much as she loved research, there were limits on how much of it she could take.

Out of frustration, she'd already broken three pencils, chipped a nail, and spilled coffee all over Buffy's shirt that she'd borrowed again. Then she did the ultimate no-no. She used the W word.

"My life sucks," she grumbled, mopping up the spilt coffee. "I could have a normal life, the whole boyfriend and friends routine, but _no_, I've got commitments to the _cause_. I've got to be Watcher, Junior. God, I wish I had a boyfriend and a social life."

"Done." Dawn's eyes widened.

"Uh-oh."

It was too late to take the words back. She went very still. Nothing happened right away, and she thought for half a second that she'd just been hearing things. Until she felt a tugging behind her navel and saw the carpet rush past her. There wasn't even time for her to scream.

The door to the study opened then, and Xander Harris poked his head through. He'd gotten some donuts for her, like he always did. The sight of the room nearly made him drop them. Papers fluttered to the ground, and the chair she'd been in was tipped over.

"Dawnie? Everything - oh, crap."

Dawn felt her feet touch ground. The wind stopped whipping around her. She brushed her hair back from her face. She was in a dark room.

"Where am I?"

"Well, darling, you're on the quest for Mr. Right," A woman slinked out of the corner, well, what looked like the corner of the room. Her face reminded Dawn of a mix between a vamp and a vengeance demon.

"I knew I shouldn't have said the W word," Dawn groaned.

"Oh, honey, I'm not here to do you any harm. I'm sort of like fairy godmother, helping you find the perfect husband."

"HUSBAND?" Dawn yelled, but she vanished out of the room before she could say another word.

"They always get hung up on that part about Mr. Right being their husbands. Honestly, I only deal in absolutes."


	2. Prince Baby?

Title: Prince. . . Baby?  
Author: Jmaria  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine. I have no money.  
Summary: Are you kidding me?  
Pairing: FfA #1933 Dawn / Stewie (The Family Guy)

__

Prince. . .Baby?

Dawn felt her breath hitch as she landed hard on her butt. She groaned in pain, trying to get her bearings. She was in a house, in a yellow room that sort of looked like . . .

"Prince Charming is in a baby's room?"

"What the deuce is this gangly monstrosity in my inner sanctum?" A cultured and oddly British sounding voice came from behind her.

"Oh, for the - do you _have _ to talk like that? It's a girl, a hot one at that."

"One who has ears and - gah!" Dawn yelped, her eyes landing on the very judging voices.

Standing behind her was a white dog and a little baby with a head shaped like a football. And neither one of them were supposed to be talking.

"Perhaps she could help me get rid of Lois," the baby cackled then.

"Okay, this isn't my prince charming, wish granter! Hello! I want to leave now!" Dawn shrieked.

"I say, that's rather rude," the boy reached for something behind his pillow.

"Is that a ray gun?"

"Yes, yes it is. A death gun if you will," he said proudly.

"Stewie, you can't go around killing girls who think you're not prince charming," the dog replied, pulling the gun from the boy's hands.

"Yes, I can."

"Getting out of here now would be better!"

Before she could get an up close look at what the death gun could do, Dawn felt the floor beneath her feet buckle. Stewie and Brian stared at the spot where the girl had been.

"Drat, there goes my guinea pig."


	3. Puny Power Tripper

Title: Puny Power Tripper  
author: jmaria  
rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Katims and Joss own all - just messing with their toys.  
Pairing: FfA #368 Dawn / Nicolas (Roswell)

A/N: I seem to have hopped on a theme here. . .hmm. Set during season 3, in the ep where Tess has destroyed the skins and the kid rides past . . .yeah.

**__**

Puny Power Tripper

Dawn stumbled as she felt her feet hit pavement. She lurched forward and slammed hard into a boy on a scooter. They were a tangle of limbs by the time they stopped rolling. Dawn groaned. She could feel a new bruise forming on her temple, and she was pretty sure she heard her new shirt rip when it caught on the scooter's handle. The boy she'd crashed into wasn't happy either. He began sputtering and shrieking, babbling at her.

"You stupid, stupid girl! You've ruined my menacing moment! How stupid can you be?" the boy slapped at her and Dawn smacked him right back, only to find a paper thin piece of skin stuck to her hand.

"Ew, gross!"

She quickly wiped her hands off on his shirt. The demon fairy-godmother who'd sent her here was obviously deluded if she thought Dawn would hook up with this skin-flaking boy-man with Napoleonic issues. A young couple raced towards them, and Dawn half hoped the hottie was who the fairy godmother had wanted her to see.

"Is that Nicholas?" The girl whispered.

"I -"

"Stupid girl!" Nicholas screamed at Dawn.

"Back off, you- puny power tripper!" Dawn yelled back, shoving the scooter at him.

Before she could admire the hottie boy, Dawn felt the tug at her stomach and groaned. She got to see somebody pretty, but the demon had ruined her shirt.


	4. Creepy Snake Man

Title: Creepy Snake Man  
author: Jmaria  
rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss & J.K. own it. I play with it.  
Summary: The Key meets the man with the fondness for branding his minions. . .

pairing: FfA #2137 Dawn / Tom Riddle (HP)  
A/N: I'm glad people are liking this story. Most of the pairings are from Twisting the Hellmouth's Fic-For-All challenges, so the pairings are pulled from there. I'm trying to write the pairings in the Fandoms that I know decently.

_**Creepy Snake Man**_

The fairy godmother huffed, her arms crossed stiffly. This girl was hard to place and so far had already rejected two of her potential suitors. It was mostly out of frustrastion that she choose the next suitor: a truly evil soul. Her fingers played over the strands of thread in her fingers. They looked good together - but perhaps that was just the shade of youth he'd once possessed. Still, it was better to take precautions.

She grabbed the thin silver chain and tied the brilliant green strand that was the Key to it. This bit of cleverness would keep her safe in any dimension. Well, relatively safe anyway.

When Dawn came too, she was in a new dimension - at least she hoped it was a new dimension. That little power tripper was just down right annoying, and the little baby before him had been equally nerve-wracking. Her arms hurt, stretched much farther than she'd remembered them being before she'd woken up.

"Sleeping beauty has arisen," a cold and possibly contemptuous voice said, flickering off what she assumed were cavern walls.

"Where am I?" she demanded, pulling on the shackles (_ah, _that _explained the pain in the arms_).

A boy of about sixteen stepped across the murky pool of water and cocked his head at her. He was also translucent, and there was a little girl asleep on the ground. Dawn had a sinking feeling she wasn't asleep of her own accord.

"Who are you?" Dawn asked, her voice more confident than she _actually _was.

"I am Lord Voldemort," the ghost-y brat said.

"Lord Moldy butt?" Dawn snickered, even though it _so _wasn't the time for it.

"I AM THE DARK LORD -"

"Of the Sith? All powerful pain in the asses think they're dark lords, you're a sixteen year old ghost, sweetie," Dawn snapped. "You're the Lord of diddily and squat, and not what I need. Fairy God-demon!"

The ghost boy started hissing, and Dawn was pretty sure he was gonna go into a seizure or something. Luckily, she didn't have to worry about that, as she was yanked from the world.

If the demon hadn't pulled her out when she did, there might have been a nice new statue of her charge.


	5. What No Huck Finn?

Title: What, No Huck Finn?  
author: Jmaria  
rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss owns her, someone else owns him. I play with it.  
Summary: The Key meets somebody straight out of classic lit.

Pairing: Dawn / Tom Sawyer (LXG)

_**What, No Huck Finn?**_

Dawn took a stumbling step, falling hard into the chest of a man. Her wrists still hurt from the shackle-happy ghost boy, and she was just happy that she hadn't fallen flat on her -

And then the ground shook, and Dawn stumbled forward again. This was really starting to make her dizzy. She groaned as she slammed into yet another body. She wished it really was a dream, but the fingers digging into her arms as they tried to grab her proved that theory wrong.

Dawn screamed as she saw the size of hands holding her down. She had a bad feeling that he was a jolly giant. This was so not cool. And then she saw the chest of the man she'd first crashed into sway away from her. She felt her jaw drop and her scream go quiet when she saw his face. He was a fricken' hottie! Was he a choice? Could she have him now, please and thank you?

"Tom, do you know this girl?" A dark haired woman came to stand beside him.

"Yeah, Sawyer, do you know this pretty little bit," a voice grumbled from above her.

Dawn tried to focus on the pretty boy, but she could't focus on that for long. His name kept running together in her head.

"Tom Sawyer? Are you kidding me?" Dawn screeched at no one in particular. She focused on the woman, who was throwing off some weird vibes. "Let me guess, you're Huck Finn?"

"Pardon me?" The woman asked.

"How do you know Huck?" Tom asked at the same time.

"_Oops, that one had love line attached. Sorry about that. We'll find you the _right _one."_ Dawn heard the demon matchmaker's voice in her head before that pulling feeling ripped her out of the work of Tom Sawyer. Too bad, he was really cute.


	6. Evaluation Process

Title: Evaluation Process  
Series: I Need a Boyfriend  
author: Jmaria  
rating: FR-15  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss owns Dawn. I do own Mik'rrl and Bethie  
Summary: This does not look good, Matchmaker.  
Pairing: Dawn ?  
A/N: Because so many reviewers commented on the Matchmaker's matches… also, the list _she_ provides isn't the actual list (which originally came from the ffa pairings, thus the random wrongness of them all.)

_**Evaluation Process**_

Mik'rrl, the demon overseer of the GITH project (Good Intentions Towards Humans) was not a happy camper. The whole project had been put together in order to ensure that the slayer wouldn't come after demon kind, and bridge the old wounds. Apparently, Bethesda, the newest of his recruits hadn't gotten the memo on steering clear of the Summers/slayer group and had granted a GITH wish. Which she was _failing_ miserably.

"Bethie, what am I going to do with you?" The red-skinned demon groaned, which sounded more like a growl anyway.  
"I thought I was doing good?" The matchmaking demon chuckled nervously.

"By sending the _Key_ to potentially harmful matches? You sent the Key to court Stewart Griffin, Tom Marvolo Riddle, and the alien formerly known as Nicholas - all three of their files are marked 'do not play well with others', Bethie. And I'm not even going to touch the predestination clause you practically trampled on with Tom Sawyer's case. What were you thinking?"

"About that last one, Ursi did not mark the file correctly -"

"Bethesda!" Mik'rrl really did growl at her this time. "I did not call you in here to hear you complain about someone else's filing errors. Let me see the rest of your list."

"Oh."

Mik'rrl felt his jaw drop. Bethie only gave a nervous giggle. For a demon who had originally been in the pestilence variety, he shouldn't have been so shocked.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Bad boys need love too, Mik," Bethie said weakly.

"I'm all for the 'bad boy' love, in fact we gave several 'bad boys' for the Key to choose from. These _aren't bad boys_, Bethie! These are homicidal maniacs, sociopaths, misogynists, tyrants, - and Nero, really?"

"From the dimesion where Earth was destroyed and every person was reborn. The really cute one -"

"He was a power hungry fiend, Bethie. He was bent on killing the only child left on the planet!" If Mik had hair, he'd be running a hand through it. "The Haddonefield sister killer - would literally kill her. The same goes for the re-animated _doll_, which doesn't even come close to the wrongess of it. Friedman? Did you really want to trample on the Girardi case, the one that the One God took a special interest in and watches like a hawk in that dimension. Besides, he's already had two heartbreaks in a year. We're trying to help not hurt."

"I've heard the Nemo speech before, Mik." Bethie huffed.

"Apparently not."

"So what are you suggesting?"

"Complete overhaul, with hand-picked suitors from myself, Ursina, and Bellerophon."

"I'm being watched now? By you, Ursi and Ro?" Bethie cried.

"You keep making mistakes like these and we'll make you hands-off and handling only the files and not the cases."

"But I've got a case in limbo - what am I supposed to do in the meantime with her?"

"Luckily for you, I already lined up a suitor." Mik'rrl handed her the file before shooing her away.


	7. The Boy Who Thought He Could Fly

Title: The Boy Who Thought He Could Fly  
Series: I Need a Boyfriend  
author: Jmaria  
rating: FR-15  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Joss owns Dawn. Kring owns Peter. I do own Mikrrl and Bethie  
Summary: Dawn finds herself on a roof with a boy  
Pairing: Dawn / Peter Petrelli  
A/N: Well, I am keeping in the ffa pairings for at least four of the upcoming six matches (bringing it to a total of ten matches). Of course, the prince charming is out there - but Dawn's gonna hafta kiss a few frogs

**__**

The Boy Who Thought He Could Fly

Dawn was still trying to recover from the giant-holding-her incident when she popped gently into the whitest room she'd ever been in. There was nothing in the room and it was kinda creeping her out. And then that stupid demon that had granted that stupid wish popped in, bringing a chair with her. The comfy looking armchair floated in just behind her, parking itself across from Dawn.

"That's your idea of my one true love? Babies, and talking dogs, and power trippers and ghost boys? And a guy who so totally has a girlfriend?" Dawn yelled at the demon.

"It was a minor mess-up in the list!" the demon, who was looking much less demon-y than she had, snapped. "I'm used to going the vengeance route, and honestly, its a lot less work than you are!"

"I - I didn't ask for this!"

"But you did! And I was just -" the demon cleared her throat. "Be that as it may, my superiors believe it might help if I tell you this. The first four of your suitors were not suited to your _unique_ personality-"

"My unique personality? You shipped me off to four space cases, lady!" Dawn yelled.

"Be that as it may, we had to take in account your personality and the amount of time it takes to form a proper bond -" Bethesda tried to forge on, but Dawn interrupted her again.

"A proper bond? I was supposed to bond with those sociopaths for what, all of six seconds?"

"- And that the time constraint is not helpful to the process, we've decided to limit the number of the potential suitors that were originally selected for you. The first of your limited choices is 24, works in Hospice care in New York City, and is unattached right now. You'll be meeting him on a rooftop. Don't be surprised." Bethesda sighed heavily. "Happy courting!"

That was all the time Dawn got to process it, because the next thing she knew she was on a rooftop in New York, staring up at a good looking guy standing on top of a set of monkey bars. And then he fell.

"What the hell are you doing?" Dawn screeched, racing forward to help him up.

"Its gonna sound stupid," the man groaned.

"As long as you aren't planning to jump from a ledge anytime soon," Dawn muttered. The guy turned a shade of red. Great! Wasn't there a clause somewhere in the demon's contract that was supposed to exclude head cases? "Let me guess, youre just working up your courage?"

"I - well, yeah." He frowned at her. Dawn let out an exasperated sigh. "How did you -"

"You know, for once, I'd really like to meet a guy _without_ a death wish!" Dawn shouted up to the demoness, who was probably just ignoring her anyway.

"Death wish? What death wish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry - I just assumed a guy throwing himself off a ledge would naturally have a death wish."

"No, I don't have a death wish -"

"You work in hospice care. That should have been a big flashing neon light!" Dawn muttered to herself.

"How do you know -"

Dawn started pacing. It was kind of a pity, because he was cute. She had to give the demon props for that. He gave her a dirty look.

"You know, not everyone who works in hospice care has an obsession with death."

"I didn't -"

"Some people actually care about other human beings and try and make the passing a comfortable and calming experience."

"I never said they -"

"And for your information, I'm not suicidal."

"Then why were you trying to fly?"

"Because I think I can," He looked away from her, blushing.

"Huh?"

"I had a dream where I was flying."

"And you decided to act out on it," Dawn said quietly.

"I'm not crazy, you know. Its just - I know I've got a destiny. Something that I'm not fulfilling."

Dawn could relate with that, which is why she found herself talking to a complete stranger on a rooftop about everything and nothing at all. Long enough for her to realize that this guy would never be hers. First off, he mentioned a Simone chick about fifty times, and honestly - the hero bit kind of wore on her nerves. She'd dealt with that with Buffy on a regular basis.


End file.
